Titanic Struggle
The other night we celebrated The Lovely Linda's 38th birthday with our dearest Redding friends. They're all much, much older than I am, by a few years, and four of them are Republicans, two of them to the right of fluoridation. But we have a marvelous time together, eating good food because at least one of each couple loves to cook and knows how, and talking about the ways of the world. Over five hours, we break up into pairs and trios and mix and match ideas, in joyfully stimulating conversations on a limitless number of topics.
I spent a little time alone with Carol on this evening. She's the only one in our bunch who goes to church. I cried on her shoulder about my wearisome angst, and asked her about her beliefs. Let me say that she epitomizes the Christ Consciousness in her generous spirit and warmth but she makes no move to sell her beliefs. Also, she's bright and funny, which makes a discussion of such a serious subject much more accessible to someone such as myself who believes that churches are god-bothering-boxes.
Carol says ya gotta let go, completely, and that's when you find god. I thought I'd let go as much as I knew how; indeed, I felt as though the bottom of my soul had been scraped out and left for the buzzards to ignore. Okay, I know there's probably more to let go, but I haven't been impelled in that direction, particularly with my current gloom at the way of the world.
I believe -- I do believe! -- that there is a larger reality, a higher consciousness that is running things, to an extent. Maybe like the way the Greeks viewed their gods, as more capricious than benevolent. I would like to think that we are here for a purpose -- a good purpose -- and are not merely to run around like headless chickens, as a perverse diversion for some deistic chess players who get off on chaos, pain, and blood. I would like to think that we have within us the ability to straighten out our lives, to end the obscenity of violence, ignorance, and general sinfulness. Every so often, however, I'm afraid that we who share this hope/belief are badly out-numbered.
My friend Richard, not part of this group, who also believes in higher powers of some sort but not god, says he thinks we're now engaged in a major battle between good and evil, and it's looking like a tough fight. I didn't used to think there was evil, but over the last two years, I've grown unsure. I believe that our nation is disastrously off-track on virtually every policy, and when you add events like the terrorist bombings and the sniper in Washington, it's hard to imagine how far we can fall.
Is this a call to god? Nope, on the contrary, I'm more inclined to think that we're heading for a major cleansing of the malevolent and stupid, somehow organized by the higher powers. If I were optimistic, I'd think that They will just leave us to our own devices of mass destruction, and that the clouds of radiation or disease will somehow wipe out the black hats, quickly and cleanly, and then we can get to the real work of exploring human consciousness in a healthy light. If I were being pessimistic, I'd think we'll have to start all over again.
And that's SetonnoteS...I'm Tony Seton.
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