Bits & Pieces

 

Bits and pieces from this reporter’s notebook.

Da-deet-da-deet-da-deet-deet....A Utah woman is suing Campbell’s because her child found a tooth in his soup. To give you a sense of how truly serious this matter is, her lawyer lamented, "Here's a woman who can't eat soup, her family can't eat soup. And to be honest with you, I haven't eaten soup since this happened." To be honest? Puh-leeze.

Da-deet-da-deet-da-deet-deet....Also making pretense toward truth, a TV documentary called "The Truth about Robinson Crusoe," about Alexander Selkirk, the scalawag and would-be mutineer who was put ashore on an uninhabited island off the coast of Chile in the early 1700's where he lived alone for a bunch of years. In the doc, a researcher claims that Selkirk was having sex with the indigenous goats, inferring this because, she said, the goats had their ears notched. Phew, DeFoe didn’t talk about that part.

Da-deet-da-deet-da-deet-deet....Another "Truth" show reported on Sherlock Holmes’ origins. His creator, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, went to medical school so he could support his mother and sisters, and subsequently became a clerk to Dr. Joseph Bell, an incredibly deductive fellow on whom the brilliant private consulting detective was based. Impossibly, the announcer referred to Holmes as a "police mastermind." So much for the truth.

Da-deet-da-deet-da-deet-deet....Most people don’t watch the television for truth, but for fantasy, with themes like "Action...Sex...and Emotion." That’s how one of the girl-spykiller shows promotes itself. Oh, for the days of double-oh-seven.

Da-deet-da-deet-da-deet-deet....In order to carry a concealed weapon in California, you need a permit, and that means you need to get vetted by the feds. Then to renew, every two years you have to take a refresher course on firearms safety. Our favorite instructor used to perform the four-hour sleep-deprivation ritual in a room in the downtown mall. This time it was held at the local Bible college.

Da-deet-da-deet-da-deet-deet....Also at odds with The Good Book is a 31-year-old Australian in prison for murdering three young women in Melbourne a decade ago. He’s battling for the right to wear make-up in the slammer. Said the Corrections Minister, "The fact that he has demonstrated his hatred of women and now he wants to be one, I find that pretty disgusting."

Da-deet-da-deet-da-deet-deet....Finally, Germany will not prosecute a man who taught his dog to raise his paw like the Nazi salute. He faces other charges, however, like allegedly shouting "Heil Hitler!" just before his dog, a German shepherd by the way, named Der Fuhrer -- no, I made that part up -- gave his salute. They’re kinda antsy about things swastikal in Germany, as well they might be.

And that’s SetonnoteS...I’m Tony Seton.

 

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