"Orts" - Commentary by Tony Seton

Orts

Dunno how I didn’t send out these items the moment they crossed the wires, but now that the turkey is digested, it’s time to clear the deck so here goes.

Dateline Berlin, the city is getting talking trash cans. Next spring, the German capital will build an electronic chip into some trash cans that will enable the receptacles to say thank-you in different languages, thus encouraging their use. At night, so as not to frighten people unfamiliar with this advancement, they will merely glow green.

An obit in the Times-Picayune for an 81-year-old former life insurance executive concluded with the following final request: Memorial gifts may be made to any organization that seeks the removal of President George W. Bush from office. Now there’s a hand reaching out of the grave.

Still in the swim, a 65-year-old Australian lungfish at the Steinhart Aquarium in San Francisco. Appropriately named Methuselah, the fish was fondly feted on its birthday. Baghdad by the Bay has always been proud of its fresh seafood.

Speaking of fish, they’re showing up in decal form on cars in Egypt. The local Christian Copts decided to advertise their religion with the fish signs on their bumpers. Not to be outdone, the majority Egyptian Muslims got into the act with bumperstickers of sharks. Explained one Allah followah, "If they want to portray themselves as weak fishes, OK. We are the strongest." Pass the tartar sauce.

It’s hard to tell the asses from the assets in Iraq these days. The attack on their oil ministry building and two hotels last month was dismissed by one U.S. General as "militarily insignificant." What was insignificant? That they've got rockets? That they were able to get close to their targets in donkey carts? Or that they were able to get up close and personal but aren't brilliant shots?

Those wily Iraqis must be kicking themselves for wasting their ordnance on mere buildings when they might have taken a shot at the president’s plane on Thanksgiving. For all the secrecy and the heroics, it turns out, however, that The Bush Boy was less than comfortable with the plan, especially when a DHL plane was struck by hostile fire the week before. Said one top aide, "the president made people go back and take a look at whether we thought the plane would be safe going in." Not quite the same as landing on a carrier in U.S. waters.

And that’s SetonnoteS...I’m Tony Seton.