Fatherhood
Looking back over several decades of potential fatherhood, I’m relieved, again, that I didn’t engage that task. For a number of reasons, most notably that without children I was able to stretch myself considerably more thin than if others were depending on me for food and roof.
Another principal reason for my relief is that I don’t find myself reacting well to children – of various ages – who in my judgment are acting out of control. From what I’ve heard, much of it has nothing to do with the parents, and that jives with what I myself reported in an award-winning documentary called "Mother Nurture" in which I said that it isn’t a matter of nature versus nurture but nature and nurture.
The fact is that most people don’t realize that it’s both, and few parents appreciate that their desires will necessarily figure greatly in the results.
This came to mind with two incidents I witnessed. One was coming through an airport where a man in a suit was screaming at a girl who couldn’t have been ten years old. There was nothing she could have done to deserve such behavior. Later I thought I should have gone up to the father and said, "I’ll hold her and you can hit her." It would have stopped him, but not protected the child. Ah, hindsight.
The second occasion was seeing a father dealing with a six-year-old girl. She had given a slight but noticeable push to her younger brother. The father pulled the girl away, gently, and spoke to her, quietly and directly, about her action. He had his hand on her back the whole time, making an essential connection with her. It was clear the girl had not been berated but instructed; that she had heard her father.
I might have been a good father. I would have had to learn patience. I would have lived a different life.
©2010 SetonnoteS
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